I’m Michael Ryan...

For most of my life, I’ve been blessed (some might say cursed) with an insatiable curiosity about what makes people tick. My search has led me to academic study (I have a masters degree in sociology), as well as practical training and experience in family therapy, mediation and numerous coaching methods. I’ve also spent years roaming the globe in search of wisdom from diverse people and cultures.

I started my first men’s circle in the early ‘90s, while attending graduate school. Iron John, the groundbreaking book about men by Robert Bly, had recently been published, inspiring a local group of men to start meeting regularly. They’d sit in a circle around a fire, drum for a while, then pass a talking stick and share about their lives. I attended a few of these sessions but always came away feeling unsatisfied, thinking, “I can see what wants to happen here, and it’s not happening.” Confident that I knew what was missing, I put an ad in the local classifieds (this was the ‘90s, remember) and the rest, as they say, is history.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was answering a call to begin my life’s work. As is true for most people, my purpose in life was rooted in my own childhood wounds. I had grown up in what family therapists call an isolated family system – one where the fundamental human need for connection and belonging isn’t adequately met. My dad was a functioning alcoholic who was largely absent from home during my adolescence; my mom was an only child who, having married at an early age, eventually became so focused on her own journey of self-discovery that she failed to notice when her teenage children were floundering (in later years, she would euphemistically refer to her parenting style as one of “benign neglect”). 

The result was an upbringing that left me hungry for the intimacy and closeness that had been lacking at home. It not only fueled my curiosity about people, but instilled in me a drive to find a way of bringing people together that fosters deep connection and belonging. It was out of this desire that the men’s circles were born.

As it turns out, I wasn’t alone. From that very first circle, it was clear that other men were hungry for authenticity and connection, too. All we needed was permission to get real with each other and things started falling into place. “Show up and tell the truth” became the only rule we really required.