Michael Ryan
Coping with emotions in uncertain times
Coping with emotions in uncertain times
Michael Ryan
Have a Grateful Day!

Am I focusing on concerns that stress me out, many of which I have little or no control over? Or am I gravitating instead to things that bring me gratitude and joy?

Have a Grateful Day!
Michael Ryan
Healing Shame Part 2

But shame can also be caused by too much positive attention. For example, I’ve noticed some men in my circles get very uncomfortable when other men appreciate them. Their internalized judgments get stirred up when they hear positive information that contradicts their negative judgments about themselves, and they feel embarrassed.

Healing Shame Part 2
Michael Ryan
Healing Shame Part 1

Why is shame important to talk about? Because it governs how well we deal with all our emotions, playing a key role in our emotional and relational intelligence. Researchers call shame the “master emotion” for precisely this reason. Yet, in our predominantly individualistic culture, shame remains largely hidden.

Healing Shame Part 1
Michael Ryan
Men’s Circle Book List

This is a list of books that I have actually read, so I can recommend them wholeheartedly. Many of them were written some time ago, an indicator that they’ve stood the test of time. They’ve all been useful and important for me. Perhaps one will be for you, too. All are linked to Amazon so you can check them out for yourself.

Men’s Circle Book List

Coping with emotions in uncertain times

How are you doing? If you're like most people, you've probably been ricocheting from one emotion to another. Shock, disorientation, panic and numbness are normal responses to the kind of large scale crisis we presently find ourselves in. And for good reason.

Beyond the immediate risk to our health and the health of our families, the two big threats we face now are financial uncertainty (fear) and social isolation (shame). And while those emotions may be manageable under normal circumstances, they can paralyze us or lead us to make bad decisions when we don't know what's going to happen next.

Here are some tips for staying centered and grounded in the midst of chaos. 

In a state of fear, we have a tendency to dissociate and figuratively "leave" our bodies. This is why fear is not a good adviser. We can't act wisely if we're not in touch with the wisdom of our physical and emotional selves. So the best antidotes to fear are movement and touch. Dance, exercise, work in your garden or walk in nature to consciously move fear through your body and reawaken your body’s aliveness. And touching something living—petting your dog or cat, hugging your kids, walking barefoot on your lawn—will help reconnect you to your physical and emotional intelligence.

Shame is a little more complicated. Remember that shame is fundamentally a social emotion--a warning signal that our connection with others is threatened or broken. Because shame is so uncomfortable, and because it makes us feel awkward and exposed, our response to it is often to withdraw and hide. "I just wanted to disappear," we'll say.

But the antidote to shame isn't to isolate, but to reach out to someone safe. Thankfully, we have so many ways to connect that don't require being physically present with each other: Skype, Zoom, FaceTime, even the good old telephone. Who are you thinking about? Who's someone in whose presence you always feel safe and reassured? Reach out to them. Chances are they'll be just as relieved to connect with you as you are with them.

We need our emotions to survive. But we also need to respond appropriately, not let them drive us off a cliff. The present crisis is our opportunity to step up and take care of ourselves and others. We're most effective at that when we're grounded in our bodies and emotionally connected to each other.

Be in touch,

Michael

Healing Shame Part 2

Healing Shame Part 2

But shame can also be caused by too much positive attention. For example, I’ve noticed some men in my circles get very uncomfortable when other men appreciate them. Their internalized judgments get stirred up when they hear positive information that contradicts their negative judgments about themselves, and they feel embarrassed.

Healing Shame Part 1

Healing Shame Part 1

Why is shame important to talk about? Because it governs how well we deal with all our emotions, playing a key role in our emotional and relational intelligence. Researchers call shame the “master emotion” for precisely this reason. Yet, in our predominantly individualistic culture, shame remains largely hidden.

Men’s Circle Book List

Men’s Circle Book List

This is a list of books that I have actually read, so I can recommend them wholeheartedly. Many of them were written some time ago, an indicator that they’ve stood the test of time. They’ve all been useful and important for me. Perhaps one will be for you, too. All are linked to Amazon so you can check them out for yourself.

Speak Through Your Tears

Speak Through Your Tears

The truth is that most men rarely, if ever, show tears. It isn’t that we don’t feel grief and sadness. It’s just that we’ve been conditioned to repress our natural human response to grief. Tears are how the body releases and heals grief, but they also express our vulnerability. And our culture has had a hard time coming to terms with vulnerability in men..